Alright my skinnies, like I said in my last post you may or may not have noticed that I haven't been being my usual self -- posting long, inspirational posts to get everyone up and moving or out a possible rut. This is because I myself have been in a HORRIBLE, depressing, debilitating rut lately. That rut ends TODAY. Yesterday I tried to end this rut, went to the gym and stayed for a very short amount of time and came back to my room to cry. I then ate and ate and ate and finally fell asleep. Did that help me? NO, it didn't. The only person who can help me right now is myself. I need to get myself going with one successful day and I'll be so motivated that I won't want to stop. I did this before, I conquered laziness, self doubt, lack of motivation, and other negative thoughts about myself and got it done. I can't remember any time that I was happier than when i was thin, and I'll start to get that back TODAY.
Off to the gym now, I'm going to make this session count. No leaving early because I'm about to cry, no negative thinking, I'll just keep telling myself I know and WILL be that old version of myself again. My happiness depends on the existance of that girl. I miss her more than anything. The hip bones, the coldness i'd feel everyday knowing how empty I was, how visible my collarbone was, how much i could feel my ribcage as I washed myself in the shower. All of the these things won't be just a memory anymore, they need to be my reality again.
I also wanted to thank everyone for all the thinspiring, loving comments. I couldn't get myself together with you girls. Goodluck today everyone -- I hate that expression because I know you girls don't need luck, you have the willpower to complete your goals and live your dream.. so prove everyone, including yourself wrong, and do it! xo thin love
No comments:
Post a Comment