Yeah I did it -- I binged yesterday after an AMAZING beginning to getting back on track. I wish I could tell you why I did it, but I really have no idea. To make matters worse I also skipped the gym, and did very little walking or activity yesterday. After I ate all that food I didn't really feel anything but later on I had the WORST stomach ache, I felt like I might have to throwup. Usually if I ever feel like I'm going to be sick I try to distract myself or get myself to forget about it because I HATE to throwup. Last night was so different. I was leaning against my bed trying to wait for the pain to pass and I could feel the water I had just drank in my throat. For a second I thought to myself -- I should really just go get sick like I know I'd hardly have to try because I was so full and truly felt sick. WOAH WOAH WOAH. Luckily I let that thought pass and started feeling less sick within the hour.
That is one of my biggest fears! I have never let myself get sick like ever in my entire life. Sure, I've gotten sick here and there but only when I was legitimately sick or for the few instances I was incredibly drunk. I've never eaten too much, making myself get sick or purged. I know that if I start those habits I'll get so out of control that I'll never get well. With my exercise obsession now, I am already very fearful that this sickness is here to stay in my life and I may never be better. UGH. I try not to think that way but how can I help but let that cross my mind sometimes.
I'm so embarrassed about last night and really feel like I've let you girls down. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about what I did and how it definitely derailed my progress at this point. I'm really upset and bummed out today and I know I'm going to have to push myself to get out of this funk. I've done it before so I know that I can do it again, I just wish I had some pleasant thoughts or motivation today. I wokeup this morning think it was like 11 and it was really 2:25 in the afternoon!!!! It's an hour later now so I'm awake enough to get moving to the gym. Thank God I have no class today. I'll use the gym to make myself tired to get to sleep at a decent hour tonight hopefully. I have a ton more to say to you girls but I'm just too upset with myself right now about what I did. Telling you was the last thing I wanted to do but I know that we're all in this together and everyone has days like these. Let's not let them get the best of us <3 Let's be skinny again <3
It's good you didn't purge, you don't want to get stuck in a b/p cycle.
ReplyDeleteAt least now you have binged you shouldn't need to again for a while :) just focus in getting back on track and you will be fine :)
Your right, everyone has off days, so don't worry!
Stay strong,
Lottie x
dont ever purge. it does get out of control. im really angry at myself because i was a bulimic 2 years ago and i recently started again, now i cant seem to get away from it. i have to fight really hard not to do it. its an addiction, just like exercise. i was an exercise addict a year ago too. had to go to the gym every day, burn off 900 calories, or else i wasnt happy. now all i am is a person that eats too little. theyre all addictions, and the less you have, the better :)
ReplyDeleteplus, purging is really ugly, and we want to be pretty, thin and controlled girls, not disgusting fatties that puke everytime they eat, right? thats how i like to think of it :)
its good you got it off your chest, and we all understand, we ALL have days like that.
xxxx
Honestly, you may feel like you messed up but you should be proud of yourself for not purging - it's the worst thing you can start doing to yourself and not worth it AT ALL
ReplyDeletehope you feel better - todays a new day!
You are golden! Don't purge. It can get out of control so quickly! Stay strong, be thin
ReplyDelete