Like it isn't bad that my entire day is revolved around my workouts and how to avoid my friends when they want to go to the dining hall for food, I'm now DREAMING about it. Last night every dream I had was about not eating, over exercising, or getting into arguments with people who I feel look down on me because of my weight and just don't say anything about it. For example all vacation while I was home my mom kept telling me I looked good and healthy and to me all that meant was fat and ugly. Right now I'm in a fight with one of my bestfriends because I felt like she was kind of taking the fact that I am always there for her whenever she needs something for granted. Everytime we talk it's about her and it's brief, which upset me but isn't something that would usually bother me since I know that she's busy with playing a college sport. Last night in my dream I was arguing with her -- not about the same problem i just described, but because of my weight. I wonder if I'm taking my unhappiness with my appearance out on her? Was I subconciously trying to tell myself something? Ahhh I don't understand dreams and don't think I ever will.
Last night I was looking at this girl's pictures from a trip that she went to a tropical island. I used to be WAY smaller than her and she lost weight over the course of the year and looks literally AWESOME. It was so annoying I got so jealous and mad at myself that I don't look better than her anymore. When I wokeup the first thing I thought of was getting back to my old body. I got out of bed and read my horoscope:
As soon as you wake up, you will feel a sense of nostalgia in the air that will only grow as the day continues. It's not like you are lost in you own past, it's more like you are caught up in the manners and traditions of a past era. Try to integrate some of these things into your life today and see how other people respond. Music, fashion and even slang from another time and place could add just the touch of creativity you are in need of right now.
Even the stars want me back to skinny! If not for myself or you guys -- I have to do it for them.. and my sanity! Have a great day everyone, stay inspired and walk away from tempting situations! Love.
You will be back to your old self in no time :)
ReplyDeleteI dream about foot and stuff too :/ it's a bit obsessive really, but dreams tell inner truths.
Stay strong,
Lottie x
I tend to take my jealousy out on my husband. Alway suspicious of him looking at skinner girls! Also if I eat I make him eat 3 times as much. I'm such a bad person!
ReplyDeleteWhen I am starving I always dream about binging, and then I wake up and think thank god it was just a dream…yeah I know what it is like to be totally disgustingly jealous and angry when people get skinny, people who used to be chubby compared to you. it sucks, it makes me so mopey. But I also know that when I got skinny people were so shocked and most likely jealous, and that was a fan-fucking-tastic feeling that I cannot wait until I get it back. Use those feelings to channel your inner motivation.
ReplyDelete