The title should be pretty self explanatory. So I haven't posted in almost a week and there's a good reason for that. Basically I was doing SO awesome that I didn't want to read anyone's slip up stories just incase it lead me to binge or mess up in some other way. Yes that sounds incrediblyyyy selfish and ridiculous but I was just so afraid to go astray and ruin the streak I had been on. I was going to the gym daily and burning a thousand calories each time. This made is SO easy to follow my 250cal a day challenge. Each day I ended up in the negatives which felt awesome.
I'm posting today because I ruined this streak yesterday and today. I had this HUGE paper due for school, 20 pages not including title page and my 12 cited sources. The guidelines on the paper were so strict and I was SO stressed out about finishing it. I finally got it done yesterday and I was just so over tired and hungry and like emotional ( i guess because i was so thrilled to finally be done with it? ) that I had absolutely no energy to go to the gym. All I wanted to do was relax and get to bed early which didn't happen unfortunately.
Yesterday I didn't really binge I just ate more than 250 but I wasn't that upset with myself. Today however I slept until two because I was so tired and I wokeup starving. I ate way too much at lunch and skipped dinner because I was so upset after. I've been snacking on candy and goldfish so my stomach just feels gross which makes me feel fat and disgusting. In my right mind I can look at this as a slipup that truly truly truly isn't even close to the one's I've had in the past which does make me feel stronger. However since lunch today I look and the mirror and cry immediately just because I'm so distraught and upset of what I've become.
I don't want to talk to my roommate or friends about it because I'm so ashamed. I've basically spent my day alone and that's exactly how I wanted to. I've only been awake for like 7 hours and I cannot WAIT for bed. Thank GOD it's already almost ten so I can try to get to sleep early and start new tomorrow. I wish I had better news for everyone and I'm feeling so beside myself not only because I've let myself down but also everyone who tell me that I'm an inspiration to them. I hope to have a better attitude for everyone tomorrow morning. Hoping that no one is feeling like me right now :( and that everyone's weeks are going well. Thinking of all of you.
It'll happen, not only because I've done it before, but because I know I have the strength to do it again<3
We'll say no, and we'll do it together
This slip up isn't going to make us any less inspired by you. You know you can do this, and that confidence in yourself is all you need to awe us.
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It’s hard to get “back in the zone”, trust me I know. But I always think about how X months ago I wouldn’t have been able to do this. like I used to be in the total “fuck it all I might as well binge” mindset, if I started a binge. NOW if/when I do binge I can stop mid-binge. Which obviously isn’t ideal, but its muchhh better than where I was. And I know how it is to just want tomorrow to come, and the shitty today to be over with. But it sounds like overall you are doing great, just keep in mind how good you feel when you are restricting and hittin the gym according to plan.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about the gross feeling, even if its not a lot of calories, shitty food feels shitty. But its ok to break down every once in awhile, especially when you're so stressed. And you were so on track before, of course you'll get back on track once you get some rest and can relax <3
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