I want to..

I want to be the pretty girl I used to be
I want to be the small size I strove to be
I want to have the drive I used to be overcome with
I want to be the envy of all my friends
I want to be the girl all the guys talk about
I want to feel successful like I used to
I want to feel beautiful enough to experience the intimacy with guys that I did before
I want to look in the mirror and feel something other than disgust
I want to stop being embarrassed of what I've become
I want to see what other people see in me
I want to be able to find something positive in myself but can't because of how blinded I am by my innumerable flaws
I want to be happy


I want to. But more than I want to, I need to