All I want to be is thin. I've been at school with none of my friends or anything cause it's a quick summer program for me to catch up the credits I missed when I was forced to leave in the fall to "recover." Bullshit.. Anyways! While I'm at school I have SO much control I hardly eat at all and I force myself to the gym atleast once a day. This should be good right? Well I've been coming home every weekend for one reason or another and basically ruining everything I did during the week. Sigh. Every weekend that I come home I tell myself don't eat and stuff but I do anyways. This weekend I feel like I've reached an all time low. Literally I am so upset and distraught I've been thinking about quitting school and living at home for awhile. I know that deep down this is the last thing I want to do because I want to be successful and enjoy my time in school now, while I'm young and enjoy partying and meeting now people but I'm so depressed that I've been thinking about giving up all together. This isn't like me at all. If you truly truly knew me you'd know how driven I am and how I do anything to get what I want. So what's my problem now? I conquered my weight last summer why can't I now?
I think the problem is that I'm literally depressed. I hate to admit it because I absolutely HATE that word. I have medicine for it though and I haven't been taking it. When I think about working out it's the last thing I want to do just because I'm so upset with myself I don't even want to move. I stopped taking my medicine because I thought it got in the way of what I wanted. I took it again for the first time this morning because I think that I want this so badly that nothing can get in the way of it, I taking it will just take my edge off and get me to be happy and enjoy working out like I used to. What do you girls think? I love you all, sorry I've been MIA I'm just in a really bad place right now. Hope everyone's well! xo xo