We'll say no, and we'll do it together

Saturday, June 4, 2011

I'm reached an all time low

All I want to be is thin.  I've been at school with none of my friends or anything cause it's a quick summer program for me to catch up the credits I missed when I was forced to leave in the fall to "recover." Bullshit.. Anyways! While I'm at school I have SO much control I hardly eat at all and I force myself to the gym atleast once a day.  This should be good right?  Well I've been coming home every weekend for one reason or another and basically ruining everything I did during the week.  Sigh. Every weekend that I come home I tell myself don't eat and stuff but I do anyways.  This weekend I feel like I've reached an all time low.  Literally I am so upset and distraught I've been thinking about quitting school and living at home for awhile.  I know that deep down this is the last thing I want to do because I want to be successful and enjoy my time in school now, while I'm young and enjoy partying and meeting now people but I'm so depressed that I've been thinking about giving up all together.  This isn't like me at all.  If you truly truly knew me you'd know how driven I am and how I do anything to get what I want.  So what's my problem now?  I conquered my weight last summer why can't I now? 

I think the problem is that I'm literally depressed.  I hate to admit it because I absolutely HATE that word.  I have medicine for it though and I haven't been taking it.  When I think about working out it's the last thing I want to do just because I'm so upset with myself I don't even want to move.  I stopped taking my medicine because I thought it got in the way of what I wanted.  I took it again for the first time this morning because I think that I want this so badly that nothing can get in the way of it, I taking it will just take my edge off and get me to be happy and enjoy working out like I used to.  What do you girls think?  I love you all, sorry I've been MIA I'm just in a really bad place right now.  Hope everyone's well! xo xo


  1. I hope you feel better soon!
    I think you should carry on with school, because if you quit you will probably regret it later.
    I can totally relate to how you are feeling, but I think you will have to just stick it out and wait for it to pass. Your meds might help though :)
    Stay strong,
    Lottie x

  2. Take the meds. I know I would. I know I am depressed, without a doubt in my mind, I have not been diagnosed, I don’t see anyone for it, and I think that is because if I did it would make it totally real. And being that I graduate from nursing school in august I feel like a “sick” person if I am a nurse taking an antidepressant….also I want to join the military and they are quick to not let you in if you have certain medical conditions, so I don’t want to have any mental health type of evals. On my medical record. So now I am just stuck in a hard place…I feel really similar to how you do I just want to throw my hands in the air and quit everything. I was at the hospital the other day the very beginning of my shift and I literally almost just walked off and went home and quit right then and there. I want to be skinny so bad and I feel like all my other obligations/responsibilities/school is totally making my being skinny near impossible, but I keep telling myself, AFTER I graduate, AFTER I am done with school I will be able to focus on being skinny. But it sucks cuz I want skinny NOW, not AFTER. Don’t give up, just stick it out, stay in school, I think taking the meds will help, they could not hurt at least….i mean if you are so low right now, they could only HELP you, right? Im sorry your feeling so down, im feeling down too, I hope we both can shake this blue mood and get back to happiness and skinniness.